Dersom noe går galt, og det gjør det jo gjerne, kan man bli rådet til å se filosofisk på det. Det er ikke noe dårlig råd, men trenger kanskje litt presisiering. Derfor ble jeg svært glad den gangen jeg fant denne veilederen til hvordan man tolker livets fortredeligheter. Jeg føler det ville være egoistisk av meg å holde denne visdommen for meg selv. Så, alt etter ditt syn på livet og andre uviktige ting: Her er guiden til hvordan du tar det filosofisk.

• Taoism: Shit happens
• Confucionism: Confucius says: “Shit happens”
• Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit
• Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
• Hinduism: This shit has happened before
• Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
• Protestantism:Let the shit happen to someone else
• Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
• Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
• Sufism: The wise man never notices shit happening
• Christian Science: If shit happens, pretend it doesn’t really exist
• Solipsism: Shit happens because I wish it
• Mysticism:Just experience shit happening
• Asceticism: If shit happens, renounce it
• Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens
• Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but won’t tell you
• Atheism: Shit just happens and that’s all there is to it
• Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore I exist
• Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere
• Stoicism: I don’t care if shit happens
• Epicureanism: Let’s party while shit doesn’t happen
• Cynicism: Of course shit happens
• Occultism: Shit materializes from other planes of existence
• Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say
• Pollyanism: It’s so nice that shit happens!
• Puritanism: Shit can happen all day as long as you don’t call it that
• Behaviorism: You are conditioned to having shit happen
• Freudianism: If shit happens, it’s your mother’s fault
• Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes
• Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks
• Cubism: If shit happens, you won’t recognize it
• Cultural relativism: Shit happens everywhere differently
• Optimism: If shit happens, we’ll find a way to use it
• Pessimism: If shit happens, there won’t be enough for everybody
• Tabloid Sensationalism: Green shit from Mars happens to Elvis clone
• Biblical Creationism: Shit happens because God created it
• Secular Humanism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit
• Scientific Reductionism: If shit happens, find out what kind exactly
• Scientific Obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases
• Bureaucracy: I don’t care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms
• Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen
• Ecology: If organic shit happens, it’s OK
• Capitalism: Let’s profit from shit happening
• Socialism: If shit happens, let’s distribute it equally
• Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit
• Conservatism: They don’t make even shit happen like they used to
• Liberalism: Shit shouldn’t happen tomorrow
• Classical Physics: Shit does not ‘happen’, it just moves around
• Quantum Physics #1: Shit happens but you can’t say both where and when
• Quantum Physics #2: Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons
• Holistic Physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once
• Microcomputing: If shit happens, we’ll fix it in the next version
• Applied Mathematics: The probabity of shit happening approaches unity
• Engineering: When shit happens, paint over
• Medicine: If shit happens, take two Aspirins and call me in the morning
• Economics: Shit happens because there’s a geat demand for it
• Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it
• Diplomacy: Let’s pretend shit doesn’t happen
• Rastafari: Let’s smoke this shit

Kilde: Ukjent

Hvis du nå en av de neste dagene opplever å stå foran hytta med fullpakket pulk og sekk mens hyttenøkkelen ligger hjemme, bli fanget av dårlig vær på fjellet mens det fremdeles er 20 km igjen å gå eller å være den eneste i køen av 200 biler som blir vinket inn i fartskontroll, så hjelper ikke dette i det hele tatt.

Min filosofi: When shit happens, don’t panic!

Det hjelper kanskje litt.

God Påske!

Filed under: Tøys og tull, Tro og overtro